March 29, 2007

My Biggest Fear!!!

Everyone have their fears. "डर सबको लगता है, ग़ला सबका सूखता है" :)

For some it's fear of failure, criticism, illness, rejection, insects, ghosts or even of their own shadow. You don't realize how much you fear something unless it stands right in front of you, undisguised, looking straight into your eyes, waiting for you to blink and surrender. There could be no other emotion which could petrify even the most strong-willed person to the extent of paralysis.

I had my own tête-à-tête with my biggest fear recently, It was one of those rare moments of life which leave profound effect over all the elements of one's existence. It was the fear of the possibility of becoming dependent on someone/something outside of myself.

I had a small accident which initially seemed very trivial, effectively broke my collar bone and put me inside a temporary confinement of braces and slings.

Then started the phase of "extra-caring" by friends and family. The phase of opening gates, making way, every now and then offering to help in someway or another. Though I have never admitted it, offering to help me is one of the easiest way to put me in discomfort. Still I used to manage such gestures with a smile telling myself that it will do no harm.

But suddenly it become impossible not to react and refuse such offers. Earlier I could have accepted someone bringing me a cup of coffee and now it was difficult to let other carry a bucketful of water. Anyone making sympathetic face, offering kind words started to make me pathetic. So much so that I chose not to inform many of my acquaintances of the actual pain I was going through.

Though I soon realized it and laughed over this new me, nevertheless, the very thought of loosing control of my life scared the hell out of me, but one the other side, i feel it was the same fear, which made it easy to overcome the pain and speedup the recovery.

"डर से मत डरो, डर के आगे बढ़ो। क्योंकि डर के आगे जीत है।"

1 comments:

Abirami R said...

hmm,sometimes,all this "extra-caring" stuff is not 'coz ppl believe you're not capable of it/'coz you look pathetic.Could be 'coz they wish to show they care.or could be 'coz the person is worth the attention.i mean would anyone care if a grumpy,self-conceited guy broke his arm?

I only wish I'd read this post earlier,so I could've asked you to open the door for me in the cab :-))